And holding on to that person for the long haul is even harder.
And he knows as the title of his new book attests that “marriage ain’t for punks.”
It was such an interesting encounter.
And we had a good online presence.
Well, the couple constantly talked about the counsel that we had given them.
So, they filmed us in an actual counseling session with that particular couple.
So they kind of found us.
And what attracted you to the show?
I’m like, “This sounds kind of crazy.”
This is not about drama.
They don’t create drama.
They don’t create situations just for TV.
They actually believe in marriage and they have a go at find people to be happy.
But they actually believe in marriage, and that’s what drew me to it.
Yeah, I think the couple that stand out to me right now is probablyGreg and Deanna.
She’d never met him, but she had that attitude.
And I’m so proud of them.
Now they have a baby.
They are the first couple that pops into my mind.
And what about this season?
What special couple stands out to you now?
Now what special couple stands out to me?
Oh boy, I think that right now there’s so many.
It’s very difficult, but I really likedJose and Rachel.
Look, I’ve had about a hundred couples that I’ve seen.
They have the same desire to be in a relationship that works.
And the whole passion thing that they’re exhibiting it’s so exciting.
When people come to this show and they feel as though, “Well, you know what?
I know how this works.
This is what I want.
I have all these deal-breakers.
If I don’t get this, it’s not going to work.”
Those are the people I don’t want.
But for people who realize “I need help, I don’t know it all.
I need to listen.
I need some things about me to be changing.
I’m vulnerable,” that is a prime candidate.
That’s what I live for.
They’re willing to give up their old habits; they stop dating.
It’s like I always ask the single, “When was your last date?
Are you online dating or any of that?”
But I find that people have said, “You know what?
I’m sick of online dating.
I’m giving up my single life.
I’m not looking for anyone to date.
I’m looking for someone to marry.”
And also, people who have long-term models in their life.
So, there are a number of factors that come to play in that.
On the show and off the show, it’s probably the same advice.
It’s do not discount professional help.
We look for someone to sort of instruct us.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of by saying, “I need help.”
So I said, “Okay, you know what?
And it’s vital to a successful relationship.
What do you think are the biggest mistakes that people make when they’re looking for a life partner?
Biggest mistake people make is that they get locked into this mindset of having deal-breakers.
“This is what I want.”
They have a list.
I tell people, “Look, throw away your list.
Whatever you think you want in a relationship, throw it away, and let’s rebuild.”
And don’t rebuild with the physicality.
Don’t rebuild with any of the surface stuff.
Start with the more important values.
Like, what are your core values?
What is your view of the world?
What is your view of how you fit in the world?
That’s all just superficial stuff.
These are some of the things that I believe are germane in a relationship.
There’s a lot that’s happens in the show that viewers don’t get to see.
I mean, you got to think about it.
We film roughly about 40 or so hours per week.
And you’re looking at 17 episodes.
There’s no way that all this footage can end up on TV.
It would be a six-month-long show.
And as I said earlier, we don’t have to create drama.
Have you learned anything new about relationships and how they work?
Yeah, I’ve learned a lot.
It’s been an education for them as well.
Yet, when they actually say “I do,” something changes.
And there’s so many things you cannot account for, I can’t account for.
And I mean, the pressures of marriage bring a whole different dynamic to everyone’s personalities.
Once that thing actually happens, I think a lot of times you surprise yourself.
And what about relationship challenges?
These people are marrying, of course, someone that they’ve never seen.
Well, that’s because we’ve done all the research, and we put them together.
So, as a result, they are supposed to know each other.
There are things that are compatible.
But in traditional relationships and traditional marriages, it’s a much more labored, a much longer approach.
And then eventually you get to the point where you’re married.
We can go back, we can deal with history.
I give them so much credit because they obviously have some great coping skills.
They’re doing something that a lot of traditional marriages don’t.
I mean, think about it.
I mean, that’s just incredible.
Thank you so much.
Well, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my book.
All that I’ve learned over those years, I’ve actually compiled in this book.
How do I be more open, more vulnerable?
How do I be a better, kinder person?
How do I leave a relationship and be civil and leave without losing my mind?
How do I forgive?
So, all these things are actually addressed in a very entertaining, yet a very straightforward manner.
So, this is not just an academic pursuit.
So it’s tested and proven.
It’s tested and proven.
These are not theories.
This is real stuff.
What is the name of your book?
The book is entitled “Marriage Ain’t for Punks.”
When is it coming out?
The book actually will get the shelves on September 7.
… We’re going to have a live signing on September 9.
This is a book for them.
Thank you so much.
Anything else you’d like to share?
Well, just that, hey, look, follow me onInstagram.
I am Calvin Roberson.
you’re free to follow me on Instagram if you have any other information.
Outside of that, onFacebookalso.
But I’m out there and the book is going to be wherever books are sold.
Wherever books are sold, you’ve got the option to find it.
New episodes of “Married at First Sight” premiere on Wednesdays at 8 p.m. “Marriage Ain’t for Punks” is available wherever books are sold.
