But Paltrow isn’t at it alone.
I’ve been absolutely loving the show.
So let’s just get right into it.
Have you always been interested in sex?
That’s an awesome question.
When I was a little girl, I actually wanted to beDr.
Ruthwhen I grew up.
So, I can say to that question, yes.
I was that kid who was like the stork didn’t bring the babies.
Let me tell you what I read in the library.
Can you remember what was it that kind of got you interested in it?
Yeah, when I was little, I either wanted to be a singer or a sexologist.
Oh, I grew up Catholic.
So somewhere I kind of got that thing that it was shameful.
So I told my parents that I wanted to be a fertility medicine specialist when I grew up.
And I started studying medicine.
And how did you know what decisions to make that led you to where you are?
And then reading a lot of romance novels … in my 20s.
And then the moment I turned 18, I actually started teaching.
And I started studying tantric sex around that time.
There has to be something more and raising the consciousness about sex on this planet.
How do we utilize sex for something really positive in our lives?
So what was the process of you discoveringthe different erotic blueprints?
How did you kind of conceptualize that?
I had a number of influences.
And Jack talks in his book about these peak erotic experiences.
And instead of us making sex something that’s dysfunctional, what were those peak experiences?
And from that, we could create a theme of what really turned us on.
And then I was also obsessed with personality typing tests.
So I loved like the fivelove languages, and the DISC profile, theenneagram.
And nobody had made one for eroticism.
So I just started thinking about it.
And it was really my clients that taught me.
It was my clients showing me, and I’ll never forget the day that the blueprints hit me.
It was like lightning struck.
And I was like, oh, he’s energetically wired.
And he started to have all of this orgasmic energy move through.
And we just need a language to get on the same page.
And you mentioned the love languages, and I’m just curious, what’s your love language?
My love language is touch.
It’s physical touch.
That’s mine as well.
And I’m curious how those kinds of things overlap, right?
Like, how many people whose love language is touch are sensual or sexual.
Or how many people whose love languages are gifts are more energetic.
Have different erotic preferences to your partner?
Don’t freak out, says Jaiya
That is super interesting.
Well, if anyone’s going to do that, I think it might be you.
And you said you do that by getting to know them.
Well, any clients that we work with, we have about 350 coaches that I’ve trained.
And in that intake, we do the erotic blueprint quiz to see what key in the person is.
We do this thorough questioning.
I think that a lot of people never think of these questions.
Things like looking at hormones and health and sexual history, and we go deep.
It’s about a three-hour process to go really deep into getting to know who is someone?
What is their erotic story?
What has been their history?
And so what would you think then if a couple had really different results in the end?
You know, if they were seemingly contradictory, what would they do?
Well, the first thing is to know that you’re not doomed.
You’re not sexually incompatible.
All the skills are learnable.
it’s possible for you to absolutely learn.
It’s just learning.
It’s just skills.
This is how Jaiya first started working on Sex, Love & goop
Absolutely.
And so then just pivoting a little bit to the show.
So that’s how I got connected with that.
And life has been really amazing since the show.
And that’s really exciting that now people are talking for the first time.
Families are talking why didn’t I get sex education?
Couples are starting to talk.
And that’s a dream come true, that pleasure could be mainstream.
And when I was little, I would imagine myself sitting down with her.
It’s like my dharma in the world.
Jaiya shares her experience working with Gwyneth Paltrow
I love that.
That’s a great way to put it.
And so what has it been like working with Gwyneth Paltrow?
I’m so curious.
And what were some of your first interactions like?
So working with them has just been magical, it has been one of my highlight experiences.
Is there anything about working with her that surprised you?
Surprised me that there’s been so much empowerment.
And that there’s so much courage to speak about this, and desire.
There was so much support.
Are there any couples from the season that stand out in your mind?
I mean, just their courage.
Damon is so funny.
And then when he started crying, like I started crying, and it was a great moment.
And then that they captured that tear, you know.
Or a tear, or a quiver somewhere, like it was just so beautifully shot.
The specifics of Jaiya’s job
So what’s your favorite part of your job?
That moment when someone falls in love with themself.
That’s my favorite moment.
That’s beautiful, yeah.
And then kind of conversely, what would you say is one of the biggest challenges?
Biggest challenges are when people are unwilling.
Because the unwillingness can be …
It keeps us from playing and learning and we can get really, really stuck.
And what would you do in that situation, if you felt like someone just had their walls up?
I mean, do you have certain things you’ve learned or certain tactics that you’ll take?
I’m really direct.
I’m noticing that there’s resistance here.
I’m noticing that there’s an unwillingness here.
Are you willing to look at that?
Are you willing to sit with that?
Can we look at that?
And if you’re here for that, then let’s dive into your unwillingness.
And if they say yes, then we start to actually process what’s going on.
I think the thing that I wish people understood the most is that sex isn’t scary.
It’s okay to go online and take a sexuality quiz.
It’s okay to have these conversations.
We can bring back the play and the levity and the lightness of it all.
But sex is so much more, pleasure is so much more.
It is our aliveness.
And it’s fundamental to our humanity as part of who and what we are.
And so when we demonize sex, we’re demonizing humanness.
I wish that I had you as my sexual health teacher when I was a kid.
And I feel like this kind of open healthy conversation is what sex ed should be like.
And what advice would you leave them with?
Have your partner watch the show with you.
Or if you’re single, don’t be afraid to play on your own body and sit down.
Go get some sensation play items, do some body-mapping, take the quiz.
Because these are great places to start when you don’t have a sexologist in your pocket.
“Sex, Love & goop” is available on Netflix.
