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Almost everyone knows someone who carries themselves with an air of superiority or who feels entitled to certain things.
In fact, according to psychiatristDr.
Ayo Gathing, most successful people in history can attribute their accomplishments at least in part to narcissistic traits.
What symptoms do narcissists present?
However, just owning one’s own success does not a narcissist make.
Dr. Saltz, who has shared her expertise onYahoo!
Being self-absorbed can give people the personal focus they need to succeed.
But narcissism only comes into play when these abilities are overestimated.
These ideas consume them, and they believe they will get these things because they are owed.
That arrogance is the difference between owning their own strengths and becoming narcissistic.
Waitstaff and assistants are usually the ones who most often bear the brunt of the narcissist.
They simultaneously disregard the effect of their behavior on other people, yet highly value others' opinions.
The narcissist is merely trying to use other people to fill a never-ending void within themselves.
Narcissists have a lack of empathy
This is the trait that psychotherapistDr.
Most narcissists have a shred of empathy, but they get in their own way.
That’s what makes it hard for a narcissist to get help on their own.
They rarely see the validity of someone else telling them that they are the problem.
Ayo GathingtoldThe Listthat the key component and cause of narcissism is insecurity.
Deep down they are so worried that they aren’t enough that they overcompensate.
They mask that quiet voice of insecurity by loudly proclaiming their own success.
But it’s just a coping mechanism, and that same insecurity breeds extreme envy in narcissists.
They think that if another person has success that it takes away from their own success.
When confronted with bad behavior, narcissists will often rationalize that the critic is simply jealous of them.
They simply don’t want to see their own shortcomings.
Narcissists are arrogant
Arrogance is probably the easiest attribute to identify in a narcissist.
But again, psychoanalystDr.
Gail Saltzsaid being arrogant does not necessarily mean the person has NPD.
The difference is when that arrogance negatively affects their life.
What causes a person to be a narsissist?
There are debates as to what exactly causes a person to become a narcissist.
Is it nature, nurture, or a combination of both?
Because of that, they are more likely to raise narcissistic children.
Siblings can help abate narcissistic tendencies
As controversial as it sounds, psychoanalystDr.
The letdown and disappointment that siblings sometimes experience actually helps them deal with conflict as adults.
Fran WalfishtoldThe Listthat doing chores and cleaning up their own messes are essential developmental lessons for children.
They have an expectation for others to pick up their slack.
Dr. Walfish said the personality begins to truly take shape by the time a child is 7 years old.
Ayo GathingtoldThe Listthat kids who grow up privileged or without confidence suffer the most.
The love is unconditional, but their actions have consequences.
Dr. Gathing continued, “I always say they’re already human.
Teach them to be humane.”
To avoid raising narcissists, parents should give focused attention to their kids
PsychiatristDr.
Ayo Gathingsaid parents have moved away from constructive criticism to pacification.
Being in the same room doesn’t mean that time spent together has value.
She said parents who give their kids individual attention have children who grow into healthier, more secure adults.
Narcissists are, in a way, masking an injury
PsychiatristDr.
Ayo Gathingshared that narcissistic personalities are big and loud because they are attempts at quieting deep insecurities.
At the core of every narcissist is someone who is hurting.
They often suffer from addiction because they venture to use something they can control to mask their pain.
It’s almost a fight or flight instinct for them to try and defend that injury.
In other cases, they completely shut that person down and refuse to talk to them.
Is narcissism treatable or curable?
She usually sees NPD patients come to treatment for other problems like depression.
They get tired of constantly feeling disappointed and that extreme sense of self-preservation is sometimes what saves them.
She said the narcissistic traits a person exhibits greatly affects their chances of success in therapy.
Gail Saltzsaid it’s impossible to diagnose NPD without proper evaluation from a professional.
Self-empowerment is the best tool for a person who is dealing with a narcissist.
You’ll need strength whether you stay and attempt to help or you decide to leave.
Realize this is a wounded person who is reflecting their own self-doubt and self-loathing back onto you.
Being independent and able to take care of oneself takes vital power away from the narcissist.
Preparation is the key to overcoming the brutal backlash.
Confronting the narcissist
Dr. Gail Saltzwarns people to approach narcissists with caution.
The knee-jerk reaction most narcissists have to criticism is to lash out and shut down.
Even this can be seen as a criticism though, so expect a big push back.
But consistency, patience, and sincerity are the best tools.
Dr. Ayo GathingtoldThe Listthe amount of empathy the narcissist lacks must be reflected ten-fold from the person confronting them.
Empathizing with the narcissist and understanding that they are hurting can help partners gain perspective.
But it doesn’t mean that the narcissist’s actions don’t have consequences.
Understanding the behavior isn’t the same as excusing it.
Empathy and reflection are tools to combat the symptoms of the disorder.
But the responsibility to change falls completely on the narcissist.
Ayo Gathingsaid they must behighlymotivated to change, and that unfortunately doesn’t happen often.
The challenge is that the narcissist lacks the ability to have introspection.
But that’s the only thing that can help them overcome the black hole of their disorder.
It’s incredibly difficult, but not impossible.
How much are you willing to take to help a narcissist?
Narcissists are drawn to all types of personalities, and all types of personalities can be drawn to narcissists.
When two narcissists are drawn together, it’s typically a volatile combination that self destructs quickly.
But that is also the most toxic combination.
Fran Walfishsaid the first step is seeing if the narcissist might budge.
“But do you really want to do that?”
“I think everyone deserves an equal full slice of the pie.”
